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Tuesday, July 28, 2009

A Heart's tale on paths unknown

When I was younger, friends told me that they appreciate me because I am so ready to help them... a friend who listens, a shoulder to cry on, and has a ready advise for many of their problems. Now as an adult, friends still come to me in times of need and problems. Yet I don't see myself as effective as I was before. I wonder why... I'm not so compassionate now as I was when I was then... feeling the pain or lose or devastation of a friend... I feel I'm more detached... As if I'm just an observer from a faraway place and not really with my friend... I wanted to reach out, hug to soothe the pain, hold hand to comfort, and even just cry to let them know I'm feeling the pain... But I can't do it anymore. Sometimes I need to feel my heart if its still there beating, because I often think it has turned into a stone. I'm not happy about it anymore... I'm not content to just listen and give advice I wanted to be a real friend who is with my friend in times of need. What has lead me to these changes? Is it my past hurts and pain? The bad experiences that I had? Or the people who rejected and failed me too? I'm longing for that tender heart I once had, the heart of flesh.

I am just in college so i am thinking i am still young. My friends would always come to me whenever they had any problems. Every time they had any problem they would come to me looking for solutions or help and for problems that can not be solved a person who will make them forget those problems. Even till this day people know me as "a person who is ready to help others in every condition" - i got this as message from "D".

I am thinking that as we grow older our will for helping other is but the same. It is the degree of problems that increases. When you have got more friends with different problems and whose problems becomes more complex and difficult it is difficult to keep up. I always forget my problems pretty soon as if i never have any problems. So i never spend any time in solving my own problems. Some time in later stages of life with work or family or even life as it is, there may be some problems that i cannot solve or problems that i may need to solve if such things happens we will always look for others to help but then with our own problems to solve our mind is not solely helping but interleaved in solving our own and others problems.

It is not easy to know that your help throughout your life was not so important to people you love and cared for. If you have cared for people enough then you look for similar care which you do not get in life. That is the loss of having a loving and compassionate heart in an impassive world but if you live strong enough then you will be the strongest man in the world even if it be for your own self. This has always been my aim in life, to be the strongest man in the world. Stop looking at others for help or consent to acknowledge your efforts. When you depend on anybody for help you always end up thinking that even when i help, still i do not get help so why help ? Well the best way is to stop depending and the next best stop thinking. I just take the not depending attitude in life. Also people who help like to keep low profile so i think when you help the others realize you have helped but do not acknowledge it but you should know deep in there hearts they have done that ten times. So let it be.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Rainy Day - 21st June

I had told my friend that i am gonna write about this day so here i am writing after so many days. The day had started wonderfully as it was another one of the days of my holidays. The usual part of the day was getting up late, after having been slept at 3 a.m. in the night or rather we can say day. Getting up at around 11 and starting my computer even before brushing teeth. As had been most of my days this day too went on joyfully as i enjoyed the freedom of doing nothing as such and but anything i wanted which comes during the holidays. The best part was just starting and i found about it in the evening.

For starters, i went shopping with a friend of mine which meant a difference from daily routine. Just bought some cloths for him and some gifts for his relations. It took us a lot of time to find parking space as we were in one of the busiest areas of the city (jail road). My training classes were just nearby so we shopped with ease till the last minute as there was minute chance of getting late. Finally when we had completed our shopping and i had left my friend to take a bus home. At this time the real essence of my story - THE RAIN - started to fall. I was just at a distance of about 1 kilometer from the class but even then till the time i reached the class i was absolutely drenched in water. It had rained cats and dogs, it was not even a rain but a heavy deluge. My t-shirt was so wet that when i took it off in bathroom to try to dry it, as i squeezed it the water which fell had filled half of a bucket. Lacking time i went to my class dripping loads of water, at every step that i took. I was the first to come to my class. The faculty there after seeing me so wet offered me not just any handkerchief or towel but the whole bedsheet. Few minutes of drying and standing below the fan had normalized me enough to be wet without leaving watermarks everywhere.

Just few moments later i got a call from my sister that she had reached the class and was also drenched pretty badly though not as badly as i was. So the size of the bedsheets were tested as we both had used it. We both were the only people on the class who made it that day as others didn't come due to the rain. That day was one of the best days of my life as i had the most fun i ever had with her. I do not know about her though, as this may not be the very best of her days, the reason for that will be clear later. So we both had lots of talk and fun with each other and yes also some few moments of studies that ended when the class got over around 7. What next ? The rain was still falling like Armageddon was close and the earth would end as one big water ball. The whole roads were flooded such that there was knee deep water just outside our class and all along the route. The icing on the cake was that my sister's vehicle wouldn't start. For half an hour, we took turns trying to kick start her ride which really told me that why a self start in my vehicle is so necessary. Finally we decided to leave her vehicle in the class itself and she took the ride back home with me. Well this is reason enough to make this ride a joy ride but this was not all the fun. Imagine travelling on knee deep water with continuous rainfall and you have your sister sitting behind you who has just recovered from an leg injury from an road accident. Even after all this we were travelling on new routes and dimly visible roads to avoid the roads fully submerged in water and craters(not holes). Well it was one heck of a ride. I will definitely remember this day for a long period and whenever i read this post again.
For my sister thanks for making this day so special.